who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
