i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
And then he peed in my hair
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