I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
