i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
