He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
