I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
