wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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