Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
