I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i wish my penis had a tongue
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
