my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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