Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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