Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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