Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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