i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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