I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
