She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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