38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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