Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
