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I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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