Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
