She's JV to your varsity
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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