Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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