So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
