so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
