Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
