"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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