That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
