is your mom at the bar?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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