The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
