Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
