"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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