Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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