Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
