Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
