He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize