I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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