I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
