im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize