yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
