Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
