Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
