Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my sisters under your porch take her home
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
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