did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
