Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize