his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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