What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
