I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
