So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
