I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize