do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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