it hurts more in the daytime
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
