Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
