what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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