there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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