She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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