When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
