Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
