Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
