I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
