Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
