I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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