Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if only i could text you this smell
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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