RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
