I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
