What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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