the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
