we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize