oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
