Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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