I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
